And life starts again

“I’m struggling. I’m not used to this kind of life. I need to be back on the road. I need to do something. Like actually do something. I need to keep busy. And I’m not busy. I’m not traveling. That’s why I’m struggling so much. There is no structure. And I can work with that some of the time. But I’m not actually doing anything.”

                That was the thought (or thoughts) for the first few days after I got back. I’ve been back almost two weeks and it’s gotten easier since then but it’s still a struggle at times. Uganda seems like ages ago and I’m constantly reminding myself that I’ve only been back a week. Not many people actually care about Uganda. “I haven’t seen you in soooooo long. Have you grown taller?” is about the extent of conversation on the last eight months of my life. Sometimes it even gets to “Hey how’s Uganda?” but that’s about it most of the time. And you know what? Whatever, that’s fine. I understand that what I’ve done for the last eight months doesn’t actually play into anyone else’s life here and that’s cool, it shouldn’t. But at least a little conversation about it. I want to know how my friends are doing and how their lives have been but I also want them to know how my life has been.

This is how it is coming back. They all warned me that it would be like this. But that never meant that it would be easier because of it. And it’s not like something that you can prepare for. You just have to let it come, move through it, and come out the other side. So that is kinda where I am right now. I’m walking through it (at least I think I am), and I’m told that it takes a while to come out the other side. Sometimes that’s weeks, sometimes months. And I don’t even know if you ever do actually come out the other side. Or if you just get used to being in it and learning how to work in it. Because let’s be honest, Uganda will never go away. My experience in Uganda will never just not happen. So how do you come out from that? Can you even come out from that? Or is it just what I said earlier? Is it learning to live in that and learning to thrive in that? And, most importantly, learning to thrive with people who are out of that? Because being out of that isn’t a bad thing. Everybody has done something that nobody else has done. Everybody has their own lives so maybe it’s just learning to live with that. I don’t know. I think right now I’m just rambling. Give me a break, it’s weird being back.

I think this is where I will close for now. Otherwise I’m just gonna keep talking and it’s going to make less and less sense.

Until next time.

Its weird being back

Ladies and Gentlemen,

On the 4th of April I arrived back from six months in Uganda. I wrote this a couple of days after being back. I hope that it helps to give a small insight into what it is like when you have done something like a gap year and what it feels like to come back. its difficult to understand and hard to put into words but I tried. Enjoy.

It's Weird

It’s weird. Being back in Britain. It almost felt like Uganda was home. I mean, it was home for a while. It felt normal. Now that I’m back it feels weird. And everyone is asking questions and wants to know what it’s like but I know that I can explain for hours and never be able to fully show them what it was like. Nobody else will experience the same stuff as I have. And I know that’s the same for everybody, no matter where you live and how you go about your lives, but, for example, it’s just so tough to share the experience of living in a Ugandan village and know that not many people really know what that feels like. And I’m not saying I really know what it feels like because I was only there for a week. I only know a slight bit about how it feels. But even that is so unbelievable and I want to share how it feels but I just can’t. And I can’t even relate to the Ugandans that I was with in the village because they have been doing this their whole lives. I’m just kinda somewhere in the middle. But to be honest I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love the experiences that I’ve had. I love how my time in Uganda went. But it’s just kinda tough, kinda weird. It is genuinely like transitioning from one world to another and it’s just weird. Where are all the Boda Boda’s flying past and all the taxi’s pulling over to see if you want to be picked up and taken somewhere? Where is all the bargaining on prices? Don’t get me wrong, I love Britain. Its home. Though everywhere where I have a bed to sleep in is really home for me. And I love living in California. It’s just so odd to be back. For years I knew I was going to go on a gap year. It was always looking towards the end of high school. It was always looking towards where I was going to go on my gap year. And then it arrived, I landed in Entebbe, Uganda. I now it’s gone. Where did it go? I wonder where the time went. But then I look back and think how long it feels since I’ve left. I think of all that I’ve done in only six months.

This looks unfinished. and maybe it is. But I guess there is no finish to being back. cause you're back. not for a time span, you're just back. So that is it. My thoughts, poured onto the page. I hope this gives some insight and I also hope it helps everyone else that has done something like I did and who feels similar. I don't know how it will help but I hope it does.

Until next time.