And life starts again

“I’m struggling. I’m not used to this kind of life. I need to be back on the road. I need to do something. Like actually do something. I need to keep busy. And I’m not busy. I’m not traveling. That’s why I’m struggling so much. There is no structure. And I can work with that some of the time. But I’m not actually doing anything.”

                That was the thought (or thoughts) for the first few days after I got back. I’ve been back almost two weeks and it’s gotten easier since then but it’s still a struggle at times. Uganda seems like ages ago and I’m constantly reminding myself that I’ve only been back a week. Not many people actually care about Uganda. “I haven’t seen you in soooooo long. Have you grown taller?” is about the extent of conversation on the last eight months of my life. Sometimes it even gets to “Hey how’s Uganda?” but that’s about it most of the time. And you know what? Whatever, that’s fine. I understand that what I’ve done for the last eight months doesn’t actually play into anyone else’s life here and that’s cool, it shouldn’t. But at least a little conversation about it. I want to know how my friends are doing and how their lives have been but I also want them to know how my life has been.

This is how it is coming back. They all warned me that it would be like this. But that never meant that it would be easier because of it. And it’s not like something that you can prepare for. You just have to let it come, move through it, and come out the other side. So that is kinda where I am right now. I’m walking through it (at least I think I am), and I’m told that it takes a while to come out the other side. Sometimes that’s weeks, sometimes months. And I don’t even know if you ever do actually come out the other side. Or if you just get used to being in it and learning how to work in it. Because let’s be honest, Uganda will never go away. My experience in Uganda will never just not happen. So how do you come out from that? Can you even come out from that? Or is it just what I said earlier? Is it learning to live in that and learning to thrive in that? And, most importantly, learning to thrive with people who are out of that? Because being out of that isn’t a bad thing. Everybody has done something that nobody else has done. Everybody has their own lives so maybe it’s just learning to live with that. I don’t know. I think right now I’m just rambling. Give me a break, it’s weird being back.

I think this is where I will close for now. Otherwise I’m just gonna keep talking and it’s going to make less and less sense.

Until next time.